I'm at Camp Blues - it will end tomorrow, and I've been having a really good time. Last Camp Blues, we were in almost every class, and it was completely exhausting. This time around, I've been resting, taking time off when I need it, stretching, smiling, and eating almond croissants.
I've also had a few small breakthroughs. I felt how to activate my legs from my pelvis, feeling what Brenda calls a "yawn" in my pelvic floor. It now makes sense how the tango dancer Javier Antar creates a whip-like effect with his legs - the foot being the tail-end of the whip. I realized that even though I can keep my arms relaxed, I have been tensing my trapezius muscles and this has been drastically hindering my connection. I realized that all the hard work I have been doing building up the rhythms in my body are REALLY paying off. People everywhere are commenting on my progress, and it's feeling good.
But the main thing I realized is that the whole summer of rest has paid off. I've been taking my supplements and sleeping when I need to. After that I've been stretching and hanging out with music - this has been the pre-requisite of my progress here. It ooccurs to me how simple it is to learn when I can meet the simple demands of my body. Everytime I try to push it a little harder - stay that extra hour at the social dance, or skipping a little time to have for myself, or that snack, everything gets hindered. It's hard to explain exactly what changes with me, but it's as though I can't radiate energy. Everything is a little duller.
I am healthy right now, and that is the most important part of my life. But health is more than just eating the right things or exercising - it is also a mental state. I can only now consider happiness to be the end aim of health. It is like the connection in partner dancing... health and happiness aren't something that we can create, but rather something that arises when all sufficient conditions are met. And learning - this seems to be analogous - it similarly arises when the conditions of health and challenge are found. Learning, in fact, all action backed by desire becomes not a standalone action, but rather a naturally occurring one. This makes all the difference in the world. It explains why I loved every minute at St. John's College and hated nearly every minute (of academics) at Yale. My learning at SJC was backed by desire and interest, but I just tried to force my way through Yale.
This is a powerful phenomenon. I feel it will take me very very far. It also implies some drastic implications about the philsophy of life. If desire is naturally arising, and so is all the action resulting from that desire, when the sufficient condition of health is met, then there is NOTHING that has to be worried or fussed over, but the care of our bodies and minds. This is hardly easy - it takes a lot of dedication and awareness, but it is learnable. And to think that it would make the rest of life simply flow is motivation enough to seek it. I feel like I've found the well-spring of all success.
I also still feel like I need to return to Aikido.
