Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
By doing his own work he unfolds himself.
With joy and trembling, I read Emerson's words. In this essay, he answers questions that have haunted me for years. He answers more questions and speaks to my innate feelings more than anyone I've ever come across. His words are a beautiful testament to my work. To understand me, understand this.
... A little consideration of what takes place around us every day would
show us that a higher law than that of our will regulates events; that
our painful labors are unnecessary and fruitless; that only in our easy,
simple, spontaneous action are we strong, and by contenting ourselves
with obedience we become divine. Belief and love,--a believing love will
relieve us of a vast load of care. O my brothers, God exists. There is
a soul at the centre of nature and over the will of every man, so
that none of us can wrong the universe. It has so infused its strong
enchantment into nature that we prosper when we accept its advice,
and when we struggle to wound its creatures our hands are glued to our
sides, or they beat our own breasts. The whole course of things goes to
teach us faith. We need only obey. There is guidance for each of us, and
by lowly listening we shall hear the right word. Why need you choose so
painfully your place and occupation and associates and modes of action
and of entertainment? Certainly there is a possible right for you that
precludes the need of balance and wilful election. For you there is a
reality, a fit place and congenial duties. Place yourself in the middle
of the stream of power and wisdom which animates all whom it floats,
and you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect
contentment. Then you put all gainsayers in the wrong. Then you are
the world, the measure of right, of truth, of beauty. If we will not
be mar-plots with our miserable interferences, the work, the society,
letters, arts, science, religion of men would go on far better than
now, and the heaven predicted from the beginning of the world, and still
predicted from the bottom of the heart, would organize itself, as do now
the rose and the air and the sun.
I say, do not choose; but that is a figure of speech by which I would
distinguish what is commonly called choice among men, and which is a
partial act, the choice of the hands, of the eyes, of the appetites, and
not a whole act of the man. But that which I call right or goodness,
is the choice of my constitution; and that which I call heaven, and
inwardly aspire after, is the state or circumstance desirable to my
constitution; and the action which I in all my years tend to do, is the
work for my faculties. We must hold a man amenable to reason for the
choice of his daily craft or profession. It is not an excuse any longer
for his deeds that they are the custom of his trade. What business has
he with an evil trade? Has he not a calling in his character?
Each man has his own vocation. The talent is the call. There is one
direction in which all space is open to him. He has faculties silently
inviting him thither to endless exertion. He is like a ship in a river;
he runs against obstructions on every side but one, on that side all
obstruction is taken away and he sweeps serenely over a deepening
channel into an infinite sea. This talent and this call depend on his
organization, or the mode in which the general soul incarnates itself in
him. He inclines to do something which is easy to him and good when it
is done, but which no other man can do. He has no rival. For the more
truly he consults his own powers, the more difference will his work
exhibit from the work of any other. His ambition is exactly proportioned
to his powers. The height of the pinnacle is determined by the breadth
of the base. Every man has this call of the power to do somewhat unique,
and no man has any other call. The pretence that he has another call, a
summons by name and personal election and outward "signs that mark him
extraordinary, and not in the roll of common men," is fanaticism,
and betrays obtuseness to perceive that there is one mind in all the
individuals, and no respect of persons therein.
By doing his work he makes the need felt which he can supply, and
creates the taste by which he is enjoyed. By doing his own work he
unfolds himself. It is the vice of our public speaking that it has not
abandonment. Somewhere, not only every orator but every man should let
out all the length of all the reins; should find or make a frank and
hearty expression of what force and meaning is in him. The common
experience is that the man fits himself as well as he can to the
customary details of that work or trade he falls into, and tends it as a
dog turns a spit. Then is he a part of the machine he moves; the man is
lost. Until he can manage to communicate himself to others in his full
stature and proportion, he does not yet find his vocation. He must find
in that an outlet for his character, so that he may justify his work to
their eyes. If the labor is mean, let him by his thinking and character
make it liberal. Whatever he knows and thinks, whatever in his
apprehension is worth doing, that let him communicate, or men will never
know and honor him aright. Foolish, whenever you take the meanness
and formality of that thing you do, instead of converting it into the
obedient spiracle of your character and aims...
The full essay can be found under "Spiritual Laws" here http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2944/2944.txt
... A little consideration of what takes place around us every day would
show us that a higher law than that of our will regulates events; that
our painful labors are unnecessary and fruitless; that only in our easy,
simple, spontaneous action are we strong, and by contenting ourselves
with obedience we become divine. Belief and love,--a believing love will
relieve us of a vast load of care. O my brothers, God exists. There is
a soul at the centre of nature and over the will of every man, so
that none of us can wrong the universe. It has so infused its strong
enchantment into nature that we prosper when we accept its advice,
and when we struggle to wound its creatures our hands are glued to our
sides, or they beat our own breasts. The whole course of things goes to
teach us faith. We need only obey. There is guidance for each of us, and
by lowly listening we shall hear the right word. Why need you choose so
painfully your place and occupation and associates and modes of action
and of entertainment? Certainly there is a possible right for you that
precludes the need of balance and wilful election. For you there is a
reality, a fit place and congenial duties. Place yourself in the middle
of the stream of power and wisdom which animates all whom it floats,
and you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect
contentment. Then you put all gainsayers in the wrong. Then you are
the world, the measure of right, of truth, of beauty. If we will not
be mar-plots with our miserable interferences, the work, the society,
letters, arts, science, religion of men would go on far better than
now, and the heaven predicted from the beginning of the world, and still
predicted from the bottom of the heart, would organize itself, as do now
the rose and the air and the sun.
I say, do not choose; but that is a figure of speech by which I would
distinguish what is commonly called choice among men, and which is a
partial act, the choice of the hands, of the eyes, of the appetites, and
not a whole act of the man. But that which I call right or goodness,
is the choice of my constitution; and that which I call heaven, and
inwardly aspire after, is the state or circumstance desirable to my
constitution; and the action which I in all my years tend to do, is the
work for my faculties. We must hold a man amenable to reason for the
choice of his daily craft or profession. It is not an excuse any longer
for his deeds that they are the custom of his trade. What business has
he with an evil trade? Has he not a calling in his character?
Each man has his own vocation. The talent is the call. There is one
direction in which all space is open to him. He has faculties silently
inviting him thither to endless exertion. He is like a ship in a river;
he runs against obstructions on every side but one, on that side all
obstruction is taken away and he sweeps serenely over a deepening
channel into an infinite sea. This talent and this call depend on his
organization, or the mode in which the general soul incarnates itself in
him. He inclines to do something which is easy to him and good when it
is done, but which no other man can do. He has no rival. For the more
truly he consults his own powers, the more difference will his work
exhibit from the work of any other. His ambition is exactly proportioned
to his powers. The height of the pinnacle is determined by the breadth
of the base. Every man has this call of the power to do somewhat unique,
and no man has any other call. The pretence that he has another call, a
summons by name and personal election and outward "signs that mark him
extraordinary, and not in the roll of common men," is fanaticism,
and betrays obtuseness to perceive that there is one mind in all the
individuals, and no respect of persons therein.
By doing his work he makes the need felt which he can supply, and
creates the taste by which he is enjoyed. By doing his own work he
unfolds himself. It is the vice of our public speaking that it has not
abandonment. Somewhere, not only every orator but every man should let
out all the length of all the reins; should find or make a frank and
hearty expression of what force and meaning is in him. The common
experience is that the man fits himself as well as he can to the
customary details of that work or trade he falls into, and tends it as a
dog turns a spit. Then is he a part of the machine he moves; the man is
lost. Until he can manage to communicate himself to others in his full
stature and proportion, he does not yet find his vocation. He must find
in that an outlet for his character, so that he may justify his work to
their eyes. If the labor is mean, let him by his thinking and character
make it liberal. Whatever he knows and thinks, whatever in his
apprehension is worth doing, that let him communicate, or men will never
know and honor him aright. Foolish, whenever you take the meanness
and formality of that thing you do, instead of converting it into the
obedient spiracle of your character and aims...
The full essay can be found under "Spiritual Laws" here http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2944/2944.txt
Thursday, November 25, 2010
sowing
Every spontaneity is just like this. The seed was sown some time ago, but the time was not ripe; there were no rains. [Later] the time becomes ripe. You are more mature, more experienced, more frustrated with the world - then suddenly, in a certain situation, there are rains and the seed explodes.
Osho [70]
Osho [70]
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
What is the meaning of life?
You mean, what is the purpose for life? It is joy.
What is the reason for life? It is joy.
What is the basis of life? It is freedom.
What is the result of life? It is expansion.
What is the reason you came forth in this physical experience? You wanted more. You wanted more exposure to more opportunity to have more feelings, so the meaning of life... it sounds strange to say it, but the meaning of life is life.
What is the reason for life? It is joy.
What is the basis of life? It is freedom.
What is the result of life? It is expansion.
What is the reason you came forth in this physical experience? You wanted more. You wanted more exposure to more opportunity to have more feelings, so the meaning of life... it sounds strange to say it, but the meaning of life is life.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
sharp and dull minds
A dull mind sees nothing, and it hacks away at the world, proclaiming, "Look what I did!"
A sharp mind sees everything, and it's clean slice is barely noticed.
A sharp mind sees everything, and it's clean slice is barely noticed.
Monday, November 22, 2010
The moment between breaths
Well first off, after a wikipedia search, I found a fascinating story behind Osho. I find it a little embarassing that I'm quoting him (Let's just say he got to Oregon before I did), but still, in his words, I find some needed wisdom. He talks about looking at the moment between breaths to find reality - that our awakening comes from witnessing this almost non-existent moment. If we can observe this moment, we can observe all. I'm reminded of Bruce Blair, the Buddhist chaplain at Yale. I was talking to him one night, and he was discussing awareness. As he continued talking, he made a reference as I swallowed in my throat. I didn't even notice myself swallowing at the time, so I was shocked that he would notice such a small detail. Later Bruce told me about long hours of meditation when he would suddenly realize that a candle had gone out while he sat. He asked himself, where was I?
Suddenly tonight, I made sense of my car crash many years ago. Back when I was a sophomore at St. John's, my friend Jessie and I were hit by a big truck. From that moment, something in me changed. I applied to Yale, met Brenda, started dancing like an obsession and spun off onto what felt like a tangential life. I told my friend Simon, at the time, and I felt it for the past years - it was like I stepped onto an express train when I meant to take the local. I just watch those stops whip by. I think I felt like I was on that train until the past summer. It was only then that I began to take some ownership over my life. Before that, I seemed to be getting sucked onto some fatal course.
But back to the car crash - tonight, I understood what happened in those moments. I remember Jessie pulling out into the intersection, and I turned to my right to see the truck coming. I think I said, 'O Jesus' just before the truck hit the engine block in front of my seat. I remember the glass shattering, I remember the spinning, and I remember the most powerful force I had ever felt in my life. We spun and spun, and then it was quiet. Those moments as we spun were the first waking moments in my entire adult life. I remember the sensations, and they were actually beautiful. I saw the world as if in slow motion, and with a clarity that I didn't know was possible. I experienced life like I hadn't for years. As a child, I remember examining things with a tireless fascination. I could sit and meditate with an object for what felt like hours - I poured attention like I've never known in my adult life into the simplest of mechanisms. In these moments, the secrets of the universe unveiled themselves to me, but as I grew older, I took the world for granted. I assumed that I understood all that I had learned. I lost my true awareness. I rediscovered this deep sense of awareness in the brief moments of collision. It was the moment between breaths, when my experience became unfiltered. I saw reality as I'm sure the sages have seen it. Oddly, it's taken me almost four years to understand what happened.
Everything in my life after that crash was a response to that one pure moment, however I didn't really pay attention to what I was doing. I felt like I was spinning for the next two years. How I ended up at one of the most prestigious institutions in the country and hated the academics, I never understood. I couldn't figure out what I was doing there. At the end of my time, I sat in a Vipassana course - a 10 day silent meditation - and it finally occurred to me that I had taken three things from my time at Yale. Dance, meditation, and Aikido. In that moment, I felt that I had found the synthesis of my entire life. I loved both dance and aikido, but I could never find the true link between them. It was only upon beginning my study of meditation that I realized the essence of both of them is awareness.
Now, I'm sitting in Portland stringing together money for my bills. I can't find the heart to practice even one of the three. I seem to do nothing but read. Reading, reading, reading. I read until I'm sick of it. I have the suspicion that I need to get back to my loves. I just realized another thing though. When you're 'lost,' the awareness of your situation becomes oddly sweet. Maybe I am forced to become aware when everything disappears. Maybe this is the meaning of the old phrase that you have to hit bottom to rise back up again.
I bought a mirror the other day. It slipped when I leaned it against my dresser, crushing my jade plant. The plant lost some leaves, and I felt sickened as I threw them into the trash. They felt like flesh. How was I so unaware not to notice that the mirror would slide?
Suddenly tonight, I made sense of my car crash many years ago. Back when I was a sophomore at St. John's, my friend Jessie and I were hit by a big truck. From that moment, something in me changed. I applied to Yale, met Brenda, started dancing like an obsession and spun off onto what felt like a tangential life. I told my friend Simon, at the time, and I felt it for the past years - it was like I stepped onto an express train when I meant to take the local. I just watch those stops whip by. I think I felt like I was on that train until the past summer. It was only then that I began to take some ownership over my life. Before that, I seemed to be getting sucked onto some fatal course.
But back to the car crash - tonight, I understood what happened in those moments. I remember Jessie pulling out into the intersection, and I turned to my right to see the truck coming. I think I said, 'O Jesus' just before the truck hit the engine block in front of my seat. I remember the glass shattering, I remember the spinning, and I remember the most powerful force I had ever felt in my life. We spun and spun, and then it was quiet. Those moments as we spun were the first waking moments in my entire adult life. I remember the sensations, and they were actually beautiful. I saw the world as if in slow motion, and with a clarity that I didn't know was possible. I experienced life like I hadn't for years. As a child, I remember examining things with a tireless fascination. I could sit and meditate with an object for what felt like hours - I poured attention like I've never known in my adult life into the simplest of mechanisms. In these moments, the secrets of the universe unveiled themselves to me, but as I grew older, I took the world for granted. I assumed that I understood all that I had learned. I lost my true awareness. I rediscovered this deep sense of awareness in the brief moments of collision. It was the moment between breaths, when my experience became unfiltered. I saw reality as I'm sure the sages have seen it. Oddly, it's taken me almost four years to understand what happened.
Everything in my life after that crash was a response to that one pure moment, however I didn't really pay attention to what I was doing. I felt like I was spinning for the next two years. How I ended up at one of the most prestigious institutions in the country and hated the academics, I never understood. I couldn't figure out what I was doing there. At the end of my time, I sat in a Vipassana course - a 10 day silent meditation - and it finally occurred to me that I had taken three things from my time at Yale. Dance, meditation, and Aikido. In that moment, I felt that I had found the synthesis of my entire life. I loved both dance and aikido, but I could never find the true link between them. It was only upon beginning my study of meditation that I realized the essence of both of them is awareness.
Now, I'm sitting in Portland stringing together money for my bills. I can't find the heart to practice even one of the three. I seem to do nothing but read. Reading, reading, reading. I read until I'm sick of it. I have the suspicion that I need to get back to my loves. I just realized another thing though. When you're 'lost,' the awareness of your situation becomes oddly sweet. Maybe I am forced to become aware when everything disappears. Maybe this is the meaning of the old phrase that you have to hit bottom to rise back up again.
I bought a mirror the other day. It slipped when I leaned it against my dresser, crushing my jade plant. The plant lost some leaves, and I felt sickened as I threw them into the trash. They felt like flesh. How was I so unaware not to notice that the mirror would slide?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
the Bible and Osho
I've had a strong urge to read the Bible recently. I picked up the Gospel of John, and I was shocked (shocked!) at its deep esotericism. This is the message I was meant to understand as a child? No, I believe not. This was the message I was taught not to question. I've been wanting to go back to church recently, but I always felt a deep schism between me and church. There was always a quiet understanding that no one there could answer the questions I wanted to ask. I would scandalize them, and then finally the inevitable response would be to tell me to have faith. He just doesn't have faith, that's why he doesn't understand the message. I think it's a large jumble, and I feel like a madman in church, because no one else is asking the questions that seem so obvious to me. How strange to find such a deeply esoteric message in the Bible, and to think that this is one of the world's most popular religions. Maybe I need to read more to understand; in fact I'm sure that I do, but for now I'm left wondering what everyone globs onto. Is it the miracles? Is it a deep-seated desire for a savior? For someone to take everything off our shoulders? Can we really be Christians and not fully surrender to Christ's example? I have never been able to resolve Christ's words of a rich man not being able to enter heaven with my own life. Until I can find this resolve, I can never be a true Christian. The camp counselors, the preachers, etc. told me that I just needed to "accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and savior..." But what does that even mean?
When looking for the Good Book, I came across a commentary on an ancient tantric text. The book is by Osho, and he speaks in a language I relish.
"To create a doctrine, experience is not needed. Really, on the contrary, the less you know the better because then you can propose a system unhesitatingly. Only a blind man can easily define what light is. When you do not know you are bold. Ignorance is always bold; knowledge hesitates. And the more you know, the more you feel that the ground underneath is dissolving. The more you know, the more you feel how ignorant you are. And those who are really wise, they become ignorant. They become as simple as children, or as simple as idiots."
"Do not create the fallacy that an argumentative mind is an alert mind."
"You can understand sex only if you move in it as a poet moves amidst flowers - only then! If you feel guilty about flowers, you may pass through the garden, but you will pass with closed eyes. And you will be in a hurry, in a deep, mad haste. Somehow you have to go out of the garden. Then how can you be aware?... So tantra says, accept whatsoever you are. You are a great mystery of many multidimensional energies. Accept it, and move with every energy with deep sensitivity, with awareness, with love, with understanding."
"Love is being totally open, vulnerable. It is dangerous, you become insecure. We cannot ask how to love, we cannot ask how to surrender. It happens! Love happens, surrender happens. Love and surrender are deeply one. But what is it? And if we cannot know how to surrender, at least we can know how we are maintaining ourselves, how we are preventing ourselves from surrendering. that can be known and that is helpful.. How is it that you have not surrendered yet? What is your technique of nonsurrendering? If you have not fallen in love yet, then the real problem is not how to love. The real problem is to dig deep to find out how you have lived without love, what is your trick, what is your technique, what is your structure - your defense structure, how you have lived without love. That can be understood, and that should be understood."
When looking for the Good Book, I came across a commentary on an ancient tantric text. The book is by Osho, and he speaks in a language I relish.
"To create a doctrine, experience is not needed. Really, on the contrary, the less you know the better because then you can propose a system unhesitatingly. Only a blind man can easily define what light is. When you do not know you are bold. Ignorance is always bold; knowledge hesitates. And the more you know, the more you feel that the ground underneath is dissolving. The more you know, the more you feel how ignorant you are. And those who are really wise, they become ignorant. They become as simple as children, or as simple as idiots."
"Do not create the fallacy that an argumentative mind is an alert mind."
"You can understand sex only if you move in it as a poet moves amidst flowers - only then! If you feel guilty about flowers, you may pass through the garden, but you will pass with closed eyes. And you will be in a hurry, in a deep, mad haste. Somehow you have to go out of the garden. Then how can you be aware?... So tantra says, accept whatsoever you are. You are a great mystery of many multidimensional energies. Accept it, and move with every energy with deep sensitivity, with awareness, with love, with understanding."
"Love is being totally open, vulnerable. It is dangerous, you become insecure. We cannot ask how to love, we cannot ask how to surrender. It happens! Love happens, surrender happens. Love and surrender are deeply one. But what is it? And if we cannot know how to surrender, at least we can know how we are maintaining ourselves, how we are preventing ourselves from surrendering. that can be known and that is helpful.. How is it that you have not surrendered yet? What is your technique of nonsurrendering? If you have not fallen in love yet, then the real problem is not how to love. The real problem is to dig deep to find out how you have lived without love, what is your trick, what is your technique, what is your structure - your defense structure, how you have lived without love. That can be understood, and that should be understood."
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Osho
Preachers go on preaching. They go on telling people, "Don't be angry," without giving any technique. And we have heard this teaching for so long that we never even raise the question: "What are you saying? I am angry and you simply say, 'Don't be angry.' How is this possible? When I am angry it means 'I' am anger, and you just tell me, 'Don't be angry.' So I can only suppress myself."
But that will create more anger. That will create guilt - because if I try to change and cannot change myself, that creates inferiority. It gives me a feeling of guilt, that I am incapable, I cannot win over my anger. No one can win! You need certain weapons, you need certain techniques, because your anger is just an indication of a disturbed mind. Change the disturbed mind and the indication will change. Anger is just showing what is within. Change the within and the without will change.
But that will create more anger. That will create guilt - because if I try to change and cannot change myself, that creates inferiority. It gives me a feeling of guilt, that I am incapable, I cannot win over my anger. No one can win! You need certain weapons, you need certain techniques, because your anger is just an indication of a disturbed mind. Change the disturbed mind and the indication will change. Anger is just showing what is within. Change the within and the without will change.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Niccolo
All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger (it's impossible), but calculating risk and acting decisively. Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.
- The Prince
- The Prince
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