I'm thinking a lot, maybe too much. Or at least, maybe I'm disregarding the present for the sake of my thoughts which may not always be sensible. Today I was zipping across Portland traffic - something that has become too much of a habit when on my bike - and i planted my front wheel into a light rail depression. Sprawled on the asphalt, and in the subsequent moments sitting on a wall, I realized that I'm not paying attention. My whole being is going into creating my reality into the thing that I most want, and I'm losing myself in that. I'm forgetting the obvious.
I had a session of body work with my friend Laura who is studying Aston Patterning. That was a good moment to sit and think about myself for a little while. I am not giving my mind the time it needs to recharge - the same thing I was doing to my body a few months ago. SO for the rest of the evening, I took some time to sit in a hot spa with a friend. Later I took a little bike ride meditating on many mantras or affirmations. I'm reading a book called Modern Day Miracles (i don't like the word miracle, but I'll get into it later.) It is essentially filled with testimonies of people who have been helped by the work of Louise Hay, changing their mental states to achieve health or whatever else they wanted.
So I went bike riding, and yes, I fear that my friends will think I've gone hippie (Kelly.), but I spent a long time repeating things like: I love myself. I love my smile. I am a magnet of wealth. I am open to change and movement. I love feeling the movement of my body. And my favorite: I release the need to hold tension in my body. It's fascinating to watch yourself be unable to say certain things. At first you tell yourself, I don't feel like saying that. Then maybe you make yourself, but the words won't come out. Then the words come out, but your voice wavers. Then you ask yourself what's making it waver. Then you take that thought and plaster the nearest building with it, watching it ooze down, as you keep riding down the street. And finally you say the thought again. And finally, I can say it.
