I've been consumed with the thought of my business. I've been testing recipes for pretzels and chai in the past three days. Before that, I was scheming with Benji - head so full of thoughts, I forgot (read: neglected) to eat. Meanwhile Barry has been in town. He was teaching with Brenda last night at Tuesday blues, and I was sitting in class remembering the last time he taught here with Brenda. That was in April, and it's when I was at the culmination of beating my body to death. I remember standing in their class, being frustrated and not feeling very nice, because I was so hungry, lacking sleep, and overworking my body. Meanwhile, last night, I was feeling the exact SAME way. Talk about a regression. Have I learned nothing this summer? What am I doing to myself? It occurs to me that I become driven by my image of how things should be, and I push and push to make things that way. unfortunately, I do this with my head down (literally and figuratively) and pay no attention to the hurdles I keep knocking over.
Well, today I'm happy to say I did better. I worked on pretzels, nearly perfecting my base dough recipe, made some good chai, and tried not to think of my dwindling supply of money. tonight I danced to really good live music with Drew. Our dancing is feeling pretty good when I'm rested. I'm starting to ground in both my feet.** Our rhythms are starting to flow together a little more. I may head up to Seattle tomorrow or the next day in order to work on a routine with Toph-star and Karissa.
Until then,
j
**Barry's teachers told him dance works like this: "You are always standing on ONE foot, but always using TWO."
