I need some money - a preliminary plan

I really need some money. It's getting to the point where it needs to happen, and just like when I procrastinated in school, I can feel the gears starting to rumble. Sometimes I use deadlines as motivators. I don't think that's a very mature way to go about my life, but it's where I'm at right now.

Time is not hard to find, nor is money, but the combination of the two always remains elusive. This is exactly what I'm looking for. My goals in my dance have not changed, but teaching dance is not bringing in nearly enough money to pay my rent. For this reason, I have to look elsewhere. I've set financial goals, and it merely comes down to finding a means to achieve those goals. For the time being, it seems to be a food cart. I'm thinking of opening 2-3 different food carts and seeing which one works best. I have a few simple ideas about them, but the main rules follow: 1) the product must be simple and easy to convey to a pedestrian in a moment 2) the product must be simple and easy to make (ideally made from scratch - with most of the value added by preparation) 3) The operation must be simple in all aspects, so that operations can be handed off to anyone.

My intent is not to be creative or take any particular sense of pride in my product. I intend to sell a good product at a good price, but whereas many people get into businesses because they love the work, I am getting into this business to gain time and money. These values influence every decision I make. The project must be completely scalable (money), and most phases of the operation must be outsourced to others (time).

My plan is to find a cart that works and expand it. Depending upon my sales and profit margins, I will probably be looking to run 10-20 carts.

dreams

I met with an energy worker the day before yesterday, and we were talking about my money issues. He cleared out some of my issues relating to making money. If you don't know what I'm talking about, imagine someone who could take limiting thoughts or "programs" and help you get them out, all the while replacing them with new, empowering ones.

Anyways, we got to a point where he told me to start thinking about what I want - to imagine my life as though I had a genie in a bottle. He encouraged me to set my goals without limits. At one point, I stopped him and said that my dreams felt too big. His immediate response was, "maybe you were put on this world to accomplish those dreams." That sentence hit me like a bullet, and all of a sudden those dreams that felt too big seemed like very little - maybe even inevitable.

I was driving to Seattle after the energy work was done with many thoughts flying through my head. Some of the most interesting were concerning the imagery I've been using in my own body. Just recently, I've started to come up with my own images along with the Franklin ones. The most important is a sort of golden ray of light - it looks most like a ray of sunlight shining through dust, although it's more substantial. It bends simply and freely, and has a lifting effect. It runs from my pelvic floor to the top of my skull. It's what I'm using to work on my posture. It then occurred to me that in the past weeks, I've been using a certain image of lights in my chakras. I will meditate on them before social dancing. In the car, however, it occurred to me to link the two images, one strengthening the other. Then I suddenly saw that the images I use in my body must be beautiful, because the image will become manifest. I saw that even in the way I shape my body, I must seek the highest goals I can imagine. I must work on my body until it becomes nothing but light.

I may have gotten this idea from Morihei Ueshiba. He talked about things being light. When he had his enlightenment (for lack of a better word), he said that everything turned to a sort of light. The last piece of calligraphy he wrote before dying was the symbol for "light."



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A closer examination of Master Ueshiba's enlightenment in the spring of 1925 may clarify things. Morihei Ueshiba was well-known in Japan as a master of several prestigious samurai arts. A naval officer, who also happened to be a well-known kendo master, sought Ueshiba out and challenged him to a duel. Unarmed, Master Ueshiba defeated the swordsman without harming him, letting him attack until the officer became too exhausted to continue. Unscathed, Master Ueshiba walked to his garden and rested under a persimmon tree. According to his own account (K. Ueshiba, 1985, p. 155), the ground quaked and he felt a golden spirit engulf his body, changing it into a golden one. He suddenly became enlightened, freeing himself from the illusion of personal desire, including ambition and the desire to be strong. As tears streamed down his eyes, he came to realize the true meaning of Budo: the source of Budo is God's love, the spirit of loving protection of all things (ai love or the maternal amae love); Budo is not about defeating opponents with force, nor is it a means to lead the world to destruction; true Budo is to accept the power of the universe, maintain peace, and to protect and cultivate all life; and training in Budo is to take God's love, assimilate it, and use it in the mind and body. (Stevens, 1987 and K. Ueshiba, 1985)

first Rolfing session

I had my first session of Rolfing today. It included a general go-over of the body including the neck, collarbone, shoulders and armpits, diaphragm, hips, IT bands and legs. I certainly feel looser afterward; my knees have stopped their incessant popping, and my shoulders feel fairly open. I followed the session with my own Awareness through Movement (Feldenkraiss) session via podcast. (www.openatm.org) I have this fear, however, that the Rolfing won't really stay permanent. Andrew Smith had a huge transformation through Rolfing, but his Rolfer used hard pressure and painful sessions.

Intuitively I believe that hard work is often unhelpful, if the person receiving the work cannot relax or if the person doing the work doesn't know what they're doing. I believe in the power of easy release. The way of nature is always uncontrived. This makes ease seem like the only way to proceed, HOWEVER in practice, I find myself always wanting to push harder - go stronger, etc. This is exactly what landed me in the position of not being able to dance all summer, and I have a sneaking thought that says that the Rolfing isn't HARD enough. Maybe I should go to someone who will work my body harder. But I got a good feeling about the woman who is Rolfing me; she's the kind of woman my mother would get along with: easy going, good sense of humor, doesn't take themselves too seriously. I think i will continue.

Speaking of easiness, this really seems to be what I'm looking for in my life and my dance - graceful, unhindered, easy flowing movement. It's funny how we have all taught ourselves to do things the hard way. Even when my IT bands started to release, and my knees moved a little easier, my first reaction was that that quality of movement must be wrong. Only by reminding myself of the Franklin images and the philosophy of the Tao te Ching am I reminded that this is the way to live.


Ps. Tonight I'm eating Machaca Tacos (pulled pork and eggs) with Italian heirloom sweet peppers, shallots, and chanterelles.

sometimes the ideas come surging

I just got to thinking about the power of working in groups of dedicated people. You can achieve so much just by the fact that you encourage each other. I've been reading all these different Franklin books, but I rarely take the time to really work with the images or do the exercises. So now I want to start a Franklin study group, and maybe do a whole weekend dedicated to going through one of his books. We would hardly need any money or equipment or space. We could just sit and read!

Fantastic.

The fall, rolfing, and Mississippi

Drew and I have committed ourselves to compete at Emerald City Blues this November. We have begun to lay out a training schedule. The first thing this involves is figuring out what to work on. Our two big topics are grounding and musicality. Drew and I have a strange connection when we dance - we end up pulling each other around. This seems to be due to her musicality and my lack of it. Because we place our steps and pulse at different points in the beat, our bodies do not move at the same time. You could imagine a child pulling a wagon with a rope, but instead of pulling it consistently, he gives it a hard tug and then the rope goes slack. Then he walks until the rope is tight and gives it another tug.

Working on partnered blues with Drew will be my focus for the fall. I intend to do some select cross-training including west coast swing, salsa, ballet, and hip hop, but blues will take priority. We plan to practice for 6 hours/ week along with social dancing and some cross-training together. My fall will also be dedicated to researching different types of body work. My interests include Rolfing, Cranial Sacral, Massage, Acupunctuce, Alexander Technique, and Aston Patterning. I just scheduled my first Rolfing appointment for Wednesday.

In other news, I've decided to go to the Mississippi Delta next summer. I plan to drive down and sleep in a tent for 3-4 months. I may do some part-time work as a field hand, but my whole intention is to dance in black juke joints. The inspiration for this trip comes from the following website: http://www.deltablues.net/

My reasons for going to the Delta are kind of hard to explain. I'm not sure whether I believe in past lives or not, but I get this feeling that I could have been a slave in a past life. And maybe because of that, something in the Delta is calling to me. It sort of whispers that I need to go and see something I've forgotten. I have some intense memories from my life that all seem to be related to Mississippi slave holding.

1) I starkly remember the first time I saw cotton growing in a field. It shocked me for some reason. I have this image of being driven in a car watching the little puffs of white fly by. The image stuck with me for reasons I can't explain.

2) In high school, I became fixated on a project I was helping a friend with. It was an image from the book, Beloved. There were scars on the back of a slave in the shape of a tree. I spent hours and hours overlapping film slides to create that image.

3) At a dance training, my friend Monty brought out his bull whip and was demonstrating what it could do. I remember it flying around the room like a serpent, and the tip would crack through the air like a small sonic boom. During this display, I found myself transfixed and horrified. It seemed natural to me to be frightened of that thing, but no one else seemed to be. Brenda laughed good-heartedly and commented that I must have had bad experiences with whips in a past life.

4) Listening to Cedric Burnside and Lightning Malcolm in Portland was such a strong experience for me. I still can't forget how that Delta music seemed to penetrate my soul.

All the above examples are interesting notes, and I wouldn't have combined them in this list were it not for the last experience. I was in Vipassana meditating last fall. I had gotten very frustrated and angry at my seeming lack of progress, and although the teachers told me again and again not to force examining my body and feelings, I decided to try something. I had been plagued by the tension in my back, and I wanted it to go away more than anything. Mind you, the general advice in Vipassana is to accept your body, life, and mind "ya te bu duh" or "as it is." I, however, was frustrated. I sat for a few hours, watching my breath, and building up my concentration. After this much time, I could focus like a razor.

Throughout my time in Vipassana, I watched the feelings come and go in my body, but my back had a continuous haze covering it in the form of dull and painful tension. I could not feel the subtle changes in my back the way I could in the rest of my body, but I decided this was the moment I would feel it. I focused everything on my back, starting at the bottom near the sacrum. Soon I entered a trance-like state, and I began to see everything that was happening as though it were a movie. I began to lift up the haze as though it were gauze off a burn victim. It took all the focus I had to accomplish this, and I had to remove it very slowly. But it came up, and soon I was able to "see" my back. I saw all the tension in my back - every little piece of it. It looked like scars from a whip.

I can't explain the shock I went into. I was not ready to see that. I found out why the teachers said to accept things as they are. It was terrible.

Carrying the party to Oregon

We jammed out to Kevin Selfe tonight, and I'm glad to say the party is still going. I hope we didn't too overwhelm the locals, but the band was digging our dance.

back in Oregon

On the last day of Camp Blues, the camp spent about 5 minutes' time appreciating one another. During this time, someone came up to me and said that all the things I said were really helpful - even my comments about the psoas and other more esoteric topics. I actually teared up a bit, because it was the first time I felt appreciated for all the work I've been doing. It made everything seem a little brighter.

Ruel (one of the teachers at the camp) was particularly inspiring throughout because of his dedication to making each dance a party. There was more than one raging, multi-song jam circle this past weekend. Ruel encourages each person to participate, as opposed to making it simply a time for the skilled dancers to show off. He also encourages, as I have always thought best and I've also heard Brenda speak about, the outside of the circle to think of themselves as just as important as the inside of the circle. The people on the outside are in fact those who stoke the energy in a jam circle. It's so rare that I see someone who can inspire a group of people to elevate themselves - to create something beyond their individual dancing. Steven Mitchell blew me away at Swing Out New Hampshire with his ability to do this - both when singing and MCing. I want to bring these concepts and values back to Portland, and I've already been talking to someone about teaching a class on jam circles.

When I left Camp Blues, I drove down to LA to visit Monica. There we rode bikes and swam in her pool. On Wednesday, we went to the Santa Monica Farmer's Market where I spent nearly $50 on fruit and honey. I got some huge, amazing melons, grapefruits, tangerines, and Ojai Orange Blossom Honey. Well worth the money, I'd say.

This morning I got up very early to return to Oregon. I was hoping to get to Ashland in time for Hamlet, but the standing room tickets were all sold out. Now, however, I'm sitting in the cool Ashland breeze as the remnants of the sunlight sink into the mountains. Tomorrow I'll return to Portland where I'm scheduled to talk to Andrew Smith about taking over his job as teacher coordinator for Tuesday Blues. Also, this weekend is my practice training - a weekend for Barry and Brenda's students to come and practice with each other. I have a rough schedule laid out, but mostly I hope to spend time with some good ol' west coasters, dance, and work further towards the elusive.